OK I'll say it. I watch porn. And I'm going to admit something else. I watch porn for the shoes. Yup the shoes. I wear a size 12 shoe so it's hard to find cute, sexy shoes. Porn allows me to live my shoe dreams vicariously through these women. But since shoes are not the focus of porn, I have to notice all the other stuff that is going on in porn too. In fact, while watching porn, I've seen some things that make me say, this has to stop! Now I see why sex can be less than excellent when people try to imitate scenes from porn. Remember these are actors. Also most, not all, porn is male-focused so women's pleasure is not prioritized. That means most women need more than just a guy showing up to be wet and horny. With that being said, let me share the 7 things we need to unlearn from porn so we can begin having the great sex we desire. 

1. Tongue flicking on the clitoris. Now, this isn't to say that that doesn't feel good but if you really want her to cum, you may want to consider sucking on the clitoris more than flicking it with the tongue. The clitoris is much larger than what we can see. There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris. By sucking on it you cover more surface area thereby creating more contact with more of the clitoris. And think about this...the hottest toys on the market are sucking clitoral toys. There's a reason for that. :)

2. Jackhammering. Sometimes you want a good pounding but for most women, they aren't coming this way because jackhammering doesn't touch the clitoris at all. Remember that she may want it slower. There is no rush. 

3. Grabbing her head while getting head. Most women I know HATE when a guy does this. But let's talk about why he may do this in the first place. Maybe the rhythm is off and he is trying to help with that. It could be that he just likes the gagging sound and reflex. It may be that he just learned this in porn and thinks it's hot. With that being said, it can be easier to use your words to get that good sloppy head you want in porn. 

4. More oral less penis. In porn, there is a huge emphasis on penis-in-vagina sex. Very little time is spent seeing a woman receiving oral sex. And this is one way to get her ready and excited for sexual intercourse with you. If you haven't already, spend more time giving oral sex before rushing to intercourse. 

5. Fingering/ finger banging. I have noticed this trend of guys jamming their fingers in women's vaginas hard and fast while never touching the clitoris. It's similar to jackhammering. Check out this post about how to arouse the clit in a way that brings her more pleasure than fingering her or rubbing her clit like a DJ spinning a record. 

6. Slapping the breasts. I am not sure when this started or why. My guess is slapping large breasts makes it bounce and look sexy? As an owner of large breasts, I will pass on the slapping. Instead, caress, massage, kiss, fondle, suck, suckle, squeeze, etc. breasts. This type of touch is connected directly to the clitoris and can get her way more excited and in the mood than slapping her boobs. 

7. Short breathing. This is one that I see women doing a lot in porn.  I even catch myself doing it sometimes. We start doing short breaths during sex. But why? We aren't out of breath, are we? Somewhere in porn we learned that taking these short breaths with moans appears sexy but in reality, taking long breaths and focusing on our breathing makes the orgasms so much more fulfilling and intense. Try to focus on taking deep breaths during sex and see how more intense your orgasms can be. 

Bonus: not using condoms and lube. Unfortunately, sexually transmitted infections or STIs are on the rise in people over 45. Being older doesn't protect you from not contracting an STI. We still need to be careful about who we are having sex with. Rarely does porn show people using condoms or any type of protection. But make sure you are when you are with a new lover. And lube is your friend! Use it instead of saliva to keep things slick and wet much longer.

Just to be clear, I don't have an issue with porn but I do think it teaches some bad habits that can be unlearned. Before you have sex next time, take a moment to try one of the tips above and see if your sex play is more fun. Oh yeah if you need lube or toys check out my online store. :)