How to Get Out of a Sexual Rut

sexual rut

Hi everyone. It's Renee Yvonne, The Gen Sexologist. And today I want to talk a little bit about getting out of sexual ruts. So I get this question a lot. Sometimes people have been in a relationship for a while. Things have gotten a little stale. They want to figure out how to spice things out. What can we do? Or maybe you're in a newer relationship and it's already kind of like, this is, this is kinda dead. It's only been two weeks. So what can you do to spice things up and make things a little bit more exciting in your sex life? And so I talked about this a little bit last week some ways to spice up your sex life during fall, but I want to talk a little bit about getting out of your sexual rut this week and spicing things up. So the first one I'm going to mention is exploring your fantasies. And this is important, not just your fantasies, but also your partner's fanatsies and sharing those. So one of the things I have on my free resources is how to talk to your partner about what you want in bed without hurting their feelings. And in there I have a document called a yes, no, maybe fantasy list. And what you do is you print it out two copies and or however many you need for your partners and you will each take one and you take it and you go through and you say like, yeah, I want to try that. No don't want to ever do that. You know what? Maybe I'd consider that. And then you click on fantasy for some others. You might say, you know, I've always thought about doing this, but I've been afraid to share this with my partner. So this is a way to talk about your fantasy without having to talk about your fantasy, because then you come back together and you share, you see how many things on the list are yeses, how many things are hard nose and how many things are maybes and in what your fantasies are. Look at those maybes and fantasies, and start to incorporate those into your sex play whenever you get together again, and maybe choose one a week, if you have enough to do that. So, you know what I think this week, maybe I will try, maybe some light, maybe a little bit of more foreplay. Maybe you've never done a blow job. You know, whatever it is, put those things on the list and then incorporate those in your fantasies and play them out.

The second thing that can spice up your sex life is talking dirty to your partner or texting something dirty to your partner. Now, depending on your partner and you know them way better than I do. You know what you can say? So talking dirty for some people is very different for others. It can be something mild like, Hey, you know, I'm not wearing any panties today to when, you know, say something later on during a text or something where you just send them a naked picture. So you have this whole range of things that you can do in order to text something or say something dirty to your partner. It may be something you say in their ear before breakfast. Like, you know what? I can't wait till you get home because I'm going to do this, this and this to you. Or it could be something where you just say, I have a surprise for you tonight. Make sure you're ready. So doing something like that and creating that anticipation helps to get you out of the wreck because all day now your partner is thinking what's going to happen. You know, oh, I saw that text. I can't wait to get home to them and see what they're going to do to me. So doing that, not necessarily all the time, but it depends on your relationship. Maybe you do that every day and it never gets boring. Or maybe you just do it as a surprise sporadically and it keeps your partner on their toes.

The third one is, and this is maybe controversial, watch porn. Now I will tell people I don't have an issue with porn. I think porn teaches bad habits. People begin to believe that when the man walks in the door and he's hard and the woman's like, "Oh my God, I can't wait. And all I want to do is just give you a blow job". That's typically not how sex anywhere happens for most people. There needs to be some foreplay typically for the female partner in that relationship. And there needs to be probably some more conversation, not just you walk in and I'm ready to go. So watching some ethical porn, but regular porn works too sometimes. If you've never watched it together, you'll learn something you may say, oh, you know what? I never tried that move. I need to put that on my fantasy list of things I need to do with my partner. Or maybe you'll see a costume you like. You might say, you know what? I need to find a schoolgirl costume and incorporate that into the next time I see my partner, or maybe I need to dress up as a stripper the next time she comes over and do a dance for. So you may see things that actually help you, right? You can also try. What's called ethical porn. And I want to suggest a site it's called Make Love, Not Porn. It's or org. I'm not sure, but look it up. It's run by a woman named Cindy Gallop. She has real-world porn stars as she calls them that will that act out or I should say, let me take that back. They don't act it out. These are real-world people having real-world sex. So it could be funny. It could be messy. It could be just what real sex is. So check that out. If you're looking for some real-world sex with real people, real bodies, different ages, ethnicity sizes, the whole thing. So everybody's not perfect. Everybody doesn't look amazing in these. Everybody looks like real people that you see every day, probably just like you and your partner. So watching porn together can help take you out of that rut.

Number four, this is a pretty simple one. And I get asked this a lot new positions, just try some new positions. You can get books, look online. There's plenty of places where you can find new positions. If you're always doing missionary, try having a woman on top. If you are always on top, try to do missionary. Try doing doggy style, try a different room, try a position up against the wall or buy a sex chair. I always tell people this -get a sex chair. It will expand your, the amount of positions that you could do without hurting your back. Cause we're older, right? Or at least I'm talking to my older people right now, people over 50, you know, you get in some positions and you're there for the night because you know, you're in pain for real. So go ahead and try out new positions, try a sex chair.

And then last but not least, I'm going to do a shameless plug, which I hardly ever do. And I'm not sure why I don't do this. Take a sex workshop, take one together, take one. Individually. I have several workshops that can help get you out of the sex, right? And teach you some things that maybe you didn't know. For instance, I have a Couples Pleasure Mapping Workshop. It talks all about what it takes to please a partner. I go through sex anatomy, sexual pleasure, and then show you what you can do to your partner to help them experience more pleasure, but also you to we'll get to talk and find out that there are things that, that your partner would like you to do more of and maybe a little less of. So you could do a couples mapping workshop. I have coaching sessions that I do where I work individually with couples, and then I bring them together and we talk about what's going on and how we can make the sex better. I teach blow job classes. I teach how to eat a woman outclasses. I teach vulva worshiping, penis worshiping all of those classes. If you've never done any of these things, take a class. It's a chance to get you out of your rut, learn some new skills, take it to the next level and have a lot of fun and pleasure in the meantime. So I will put all of those things in the links below so that you can sign up for a class and let's do it. Let's talk about it. If you are kind of on the fence, like, I don't know her name, maybe I'm not ready for this, or what's entailed in this class. Send me a DM, send me an email. I'm happy to answer any questions you have and get you on the right track because I believe everybody should be having amazing sex. And if you're in a rut and you're not having amazing sex, let me help you get out of that rut and have more amazing sex. In the meantime, I will see you next week and have an amazing weekend. Bye.

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life This Fall
6 Ways Your Vagina and Vulva Change As You Get Older